Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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