I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
