i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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