Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We need to get me chipped asap
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
