Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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