If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
