Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
