i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
