We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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