i may or may not be watching the land before time
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
