I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
