This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
In America we eat man semen.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
