Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
