i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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