But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
