$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
