im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
