Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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