like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
