I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize