It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
