so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
