I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
