Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
