I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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