I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
