plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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