so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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