put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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