dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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