Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
