Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
