Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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