i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
