she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
