I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
