Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
