No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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