were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
