census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
