Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
