How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
