It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
