There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
