Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
