I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
