real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
