i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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