the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
