Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize