Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
