Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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