first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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