I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
