what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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