You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
