the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Who did Billy Mays play for?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize