ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
