I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
