Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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