its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
