I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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