I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
