We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
