I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
