if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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