If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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