Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
