i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
