And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
