Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
4 words: hood of his car
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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