McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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