He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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