cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize