Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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