Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
this will be a night to untag.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
