Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
