It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
